Would my 22-year-old-self be proud of my 32-year-old-self?

I spent my 20s preparing for my 30s. Now that I’m in my 30s I want to go back to my 20s. I can’t be the ONLY 32-year-old female feeling like I should be further in my career by now, right? Am I the only one that feels like I should be more financially secure?

I am not just talking to the 30-something-mothers or the 30-something-wives. I know there are some single women out there in their 30s who are wondering if they have done enough, been to enough places, seen enough things, accomplished enough tasks on their lists and paid off enough of the student loans… right?

Am I the only 32-year-old woman who wonders if the life I’m living is what I have dreamed of living?

I think about celebrity business women and I wonder if I could do what they are doing. I don’t dream about having all of the money in the world, but I dream about feeling accomplished.

Accomplished. At the age of 32 years old, I still don’t feel accomplished. Even with 2 degrees, a healthy family and a great job, I still feel as if there is more out there.

My 20s were all about getting an education and getting experience. Now that I’m 32, I’m still wondering what I’m supposed to be doing during this decade. Is this the decade of the BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT? If it is, what is it?

I have read so many open letters to “my 22-year-old-self” or to “my 16-year-old-self.” I’m more curious to know if my 16-year-old-self or my 22-year-old-self would proud of my 32-year-old-self.


Hot cocoa at the end of the night

Tips for Moms to get to a Happy Place

This year, 2016, will be a year for the books. It was an Olympics year. It’s an election year. It’s also the year that “adulting” was added to the Urban Dictionary.

The definition of adulting is “to do grown up things and hold responsibilities such as a 9-5 job, a mortgage/rent, a car payment, or anything else that makes one think of grown-ups.”

As many of you know, I work at a university and I have the privilege to sponsor a student organization. I hear all of the time, “adulting is hard.” I should have taken an “adulting class in high school.” What many traditional college students don’t know is that adulting gets harder the older you get. Adulting gets really hard when you have kids. The difficulty of adulting peaked when Lucy was diagnosed and some days it feels just as hard. Yesterday was one of those days.

Charlie is having a hard time sleeping. He’s had a hard time sleeping since October of 2014. We thought it was because he got scared on Halloween that year. We also thought it was because we, his parents, were away in St. Louis so much with Lucy. Lucy has been cancer-free for more than a year now and Charlie is still not consistently sleeping.

Adulting is hard when ¬†your kids aren’t sleeping. Charlie’s mother has not slept 6 solid hours for an entire week for 2 years (probably more since he was a baby before the sleeping issues came to life).

Yesterday was not fun. I spoke to our pediatrician about his sleeping issues. Because it has gone on for 2 years and I have tried every home remedy known to man, he is sending us to a sleep lab once again at St. Louis Children’s Hospital. Charlie also had to get a blood test. This is the first time Charlie’s blood has been drawn. He was scared and held onto me tighter than I’ve ever been held. I could not peel him off. I literally laid on top of him because he wouldn’t let go and they needed him to lay down.

Charlie after he got his blood drawn.

Adulting was hard yesterday.

Before I could relax last night I had to get to my happy place. This takes some steps, but I managed to get there. This is how my last hour of the day was spent.

The kids were in bed. I love them, but peace and quiet is nice.

The dishwasher was going. This means that my kitchen will be ready to cook dinner for the next evening. Organization helps relax me sometimes.

Dishwasher humming

The carpet was vacuumed. This helps me feel as if I’m doing everything I can to help Charlie not break out from leftover pet dander.

The windows in my house were up. I love having fresh air in my house and a cool breeze blowing through.

windows up

A fall candle was lit. I love everything about fall including the smell.

Fall candle lit

I sat in a recliner beside my husband, my best friend. I watched television shows on Netflix and drank hot cocoa.

Hot cocoa at the end of the night

Adulting was not so bad for one hour yesterday. A humming dishwasher. Clean carpet. Lit candle.Open windows. Netflix. Hot cocoa. Marc.

God’s got this.


I’m Not Prepared for Parenthood

I thought I was prepared for motherhood. I started babysitting in my preteens. My sister had children before I was even married. Children are no stranger to me. I have changed diapers and mixed bottles.

Prior to my kiddos, I worked at an agency that had clients with the Arkansas Department of Human Services. During my time there, I helped develop a book helping educate pregnant mothers about their health and their babies’ health. I also worked on an account where we helped educate parents about the importance of well-child checkups. Lastly, I helped a colleague on an account where we helped educate parents about how to choose a childcare provider.

Needless to say, I was educated.

I was probably as prepared as a person could get, but I was not prepared for this.


I was not prepared to rearrange my entire life around a tiny human and being okay with it.


I was not prepared for how much I love him.


I was not prepared to worry as much as I do.


I was not prepared to discipline.


I was not prepared to have this much pride for another human being.


I was not prepared to say, “where did the time go?”


My little boy turned 4 years old this week. I have 1 year left before he’s no longer a toddler. I have 9 years left before he is a teenager. I have 10 years before he goes to high school. I have 12 years before he gets his driver’s license. I have 14 years before he’s an adult.

I’m not prepared for him to grow up.

Happy Birthday Charlie!